Tuesday, September 6, 2016

New Places in Motherhood

Summer came and went in a flash, as summer usually does. Then, the inevitable happened: school began. I've been on many sides of this annual event. I've been the student. I've been the teacher. I've gradually eased into being the parent by taking my two oldest kids to 3 day-a-week, half day preschool. But this year, I've entered a new zone. My oldest has started his own relationship with school. He started kindergarten today.

This same little boy had many other firsts this summer, all signalling to me, his mom, that he was growing leaps and bounds. He learned to ride a bike without training wheels. He learned to tie his own shoes. He actually began to eat "big people" food. And just recently, he lost his first tooth. 

Yes, that first precious little baby tooth that I analyzed and agonized over JUST FELL RIGHT OUT OF HIS HEAD!  Or more accurately, the boy just yanked it out himself. Like is was no big deal. 

(Pause for tears.)

And this morning, as my husband and I drove our precious first born off to school, I looked over to him and said, "It seems like we just named him, like we just picked out his name." 

(Pause for more tears.)

Why is motherhood so hard? I know and you know that it is hard for a number of reasons. That is why parenting well is the hardest thing many of us will ever do.

Its moments like these that make a mom emotional. I mean, in what other career does doing a good job break your heart?

We work to make our children ready for the next phase of life as it comes. Then, when they are ready, we face the paradox of pride and sadness.  Our hearts are full but they are broken a little bit at the same time. 

Since it is only my first day of this with my first born, (I will experience it in new ways with my younger two kids, I am sure) I have no advice. All I know is this: The Bible tells us that we are to "Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares for you" (1 Peter 5:7).

God invites us to tell Him everything we are worried or concerned about because, He cares for us. May I just say that that phrase, while nice, is a huge understatement! God loves us with an unending, unconditional, unfathomable love. He sent His own little boy to die for us. As a mother of two boys, I can't understand this at all! We are talking about mind-blowing love here.

So while I spend the day wondering if my son ate his lunch or if he had someone to play with at recess, God is right there with me. As I worry about the bus ride home, God asks me to give my worries to Him. Because not only does God love me an immeasurable amount, He loves my son that way too. He loves him more than I do, in fact.

And while this is not something my mind can grasp, I am comforted and at peace with that knowledge. And that peace will get me through this day, this week, this year.